well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
