she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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