Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
