I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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