I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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