whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
