Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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