Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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