My girlfriend figured out who you are.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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