i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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