oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
