cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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