You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
