if i can run in heels then i can drive
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
