the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
