thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
