We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The best revenge is premature balding
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
