That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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