no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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