"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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