this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
