When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
