How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
