Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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