Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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