I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
