Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
