I'm going to jail i love you
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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