I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
