It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
