Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
