As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
