I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
