I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
