guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
