So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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