just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
