I love black thongs
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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