Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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