So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
