He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
