Please, let me fuck your mom
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
