I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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