im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
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It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
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I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer