New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right