Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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