I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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