Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
