I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
