Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Im part way to drunk.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
