What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
