You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
