I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
not ubering you a puppy
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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