i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
it's like heaven, but drunker
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
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I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
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How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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