Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
