dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
