Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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