You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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