between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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